naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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