Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
