I heard we made out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
