im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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