So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
