i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i love accidental penises.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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