oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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