Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
