My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
