why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
