You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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