Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
