omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
