it hurts more in the daytime
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
