you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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