i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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