So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
