Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
