I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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