if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
