I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
