Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
