the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
