Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize