Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
