i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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