Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize