Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
