Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
