i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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