She is in my trunk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
