How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i drank out of a bidet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
