In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
