Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
