it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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