hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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