so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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