I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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