Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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