A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the condom got lost in my hair
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
