i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
