My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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