So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
