tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need water and some morals
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize