Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
