oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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