Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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