You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
