she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize