Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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