My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
