two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
