I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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