You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
