he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
