He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
