I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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