You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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