I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the condom got lost in my hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
