when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
