FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
