the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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