my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
