i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Of course I have a pirate flag
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
