When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So much Jack, so little girl.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
