the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
