k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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