I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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