explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize