Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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