Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
