Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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