My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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