My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
