I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
