I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This baby is an asshole
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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