why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
