Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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