dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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