Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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